When Our Children Mess Up: Parenting with Prayer, Grace & Truth

Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. If you’ve ever had to confront your child about behavior that shocked or disappointed you, you’re not alone—and you're in the right place. In a recent episode of Faith for Her, I opened up about one of the most challenging aspects of spiritual parenting: what to do when our children mess up.

The Moment You Realize Something’s Gone Wrong
We’ve all been there. That moment when your child does something completely out of line with what you’ve taught them. Something you’ve had conversations about before. It can feel like a punch to the gut—and a dagger to your heart. Recently, I found myself in that place. One of my children made a choice I never expected. It wasn’t just a mistake; it was a direct contradiction to what they know is right. My heart sank.

And yet, even in that moment, I knew: this was sacred ground. A moment not just to discipline—but to disciple.

Before the Talk, Pray
Before rushing into correction, my husband and I prayed. We prayed for three days while our child was away at camp. We didn’t just pray for wisdom—we prayed that God would work in our child’s heart before we said a word.

And guess what? He did.

Our child came home from camp with a repentant heart, having had a real encounter with Jesus. Confession. Conviction. Healing. It was a moment only the Holy Spirit could have orchestrated—and it reminded me: hearts are changed not by perfect parenting, but by a perfect Savior.

When It Hurts You Too
Something my child said to me caught me off guard: “I was worried you’d feel like a bad mom.” Wow. Isn’t that the truth? When our children make mistakes, we often turn inward—blaming ourselves, questioning everything we’ve done.

But in that moment, I had to remind myself: My identity is not in my child’s behavior. My identity is in Christ.

Yes, we lay down our lives for our children—our time, energy, sleep, even our finances. But parenting is not a transaction with guaranteed outcomes. It's a calling. One that reflects the cross: self-giving, unreciprocated at times, but always rooted in love.

Choosing Relationship Over Reaction
My flesh wanted to react. I wanted to yell, ground them indefinitely, and make them feel the weight of their mistake. But I knew that wouldn’t serve the deeper purpose of spiritual formation.

Instead, I chose relationship.

We had a series of conversations—because discipleship is rarely a one-and-done. I asked questions like:

• What led to this?
• How do you feel now?
• How can we rebuild trust?
• What kind of accountability do you need?

I chose to respond not in emotion, but in love. That doesn’t mean there weren’t consequences—there were. But they were delivered in a way that preserved connection. Because when connection is lost, influence is lost—and I want to be the loudest voice of truth in my child’s life, not the world, not social media, not their peers.

Modeling Repentance Ourselves
One reason my children are willing to be vulnerable with me is because I’ve modeled vulnerability with them. I’ve admitted my mistakes. I’ve repented out loud. I’ve said, “I messed up—can you pray with me?”

Discipleship is not top-down. We’re discipling ourselves as we disciple our children. If our kids don’t see us chasing after Jesus, how will they learn to chase Him for themselves?

Parenting Isn’t About Control—It’s About Formation
Ultimately, I reminded myself (and my child): parenting isn’t about producing perfect kids. It’s about forming godly hearts.

I don’t discipline because I need control—I discipline because I love. I disciple because I want them to walk in the truth. And I give mercy daily because His mercies for me are new every morning.

A Final Encouragement
If you’re walking through a hard season with one of your children, don’t despair. Don’t panic. Don’t isolate.

Pray first.
Speak gently.
Ask questions.
Preserve the relationship.
Model repentance.

Parenting is holy ground. And yes, it’s hard—but it’s also sacred.

Keep going, mama. God is working, even when you can’t see it. Especially when you can’t see it.

And remember: your child’s mistake is not the end of their story—or yours. It might just be the moment where grace steps in and transformation begins.

Want more encouragement like this? Try this article, Bouncing Back From Our Mistakes

Or watch my podcast episode on this topic on YouTube.